I am beyond having to go to school, so why does the season of returning to the classroom make me so anxious? It always has, and as a student, I could understand it, but as an adult, I am puzzled. As I think about it, I find that the reasons are the same, but different.

I was a terrible student. We didn’t have the “K” grade in my day, so First was my big year. I have fond memories of my teacher, Mrs. Loonie. I am not making that up, nor am I attempting a pun as in, “I drove her Loonie”. She was a kind, gentle soul, and she loved me, but I remember her talking to my mother on more than one occasion with a stern look on her face, and a good amount of head shaking between the two of them. Both of these signs would plague my parent/teacher conferences for the next twelve years. 

I enjoyed school. There are two aspects to education, academic, and social. I mastered one, but was terrible at the other. Care to guess which I mastered? If you said social, you would be correct. I couldn’t spell the other. A well-rounded education requires a balance of both, but I never could achieve that balance. I was all in on social while academic was a necessary evil that I had to deal with to function in my area of expertise.

My battle between books and fun generated within me a bi-annual struggle. One was the beginning of summer where I was thrilled to not be held to the rigid discipline of the classroom, but dread in that my social life would suffer as my fellow students scattered in pursuit of vacations, work, and fun. Since I was not in daily association with my friends by the demands of academia, I was forced to work very hard to fill my social calendar, but I managed.

The other period of extreme anxiety was when school was to be back in session. I hated giving up my freedom for the rigors of the classroom, but I did so look forward to a full and constant social calendar. Football was in the air and all the fun of going to games, with parties and dances after, made my young heart leap.

I suffer the same conflict between these two seasons today, but it is with a twist. My dread of being tied to a classroom and rigid schedule is now juxtaposed with the freedom I gain when the Princesses are tied to the classroom and are not free to roam unabated with car keys in one hand and a credit card in the other. The counter juxtaposition, if there is such a thing, is that now the Princesses have their own social life that often excludes me, and I am under the tutelage of the Admiral. That is not all bad, but it’s like having an adult around all the time.

When summer arrives, I find myself dreading it as in days of old, but for different reasons. Whereas I used to dread missing my friends, I now dread the Princesses trying to fill their summer as I once did, and their extended use of the aforementioned car keys and credit card.

Life is full of irony. I thought that when I did not have to go to school any longer, that this angst surrounding attendance would go away, but no, it has flip-flopped and I am still under the curse of school.

I have resigned myself to the fact this will haunt me to my grave, and I am beginning to wonder if it will terminate even then. That could be my personal hell, spending eternity in high school hoping for summer, but dreading it, while hoping for school to start and dreading that too. That thought is almost enough to make me study harder…almost.

David Wilson Atwood is a local writer whose human-interest columns offer a unique perspective. He may be contacted, at: www.starchasers.us, or david@starchasers.us