Apparently my wife thinks I do not have enough excitement in my life, and she wants to help remedy that problem.

I might ramble a little bit in this column. It will be like riding in the back seat of a car driven by a really smart kangaroo. We may go up on the curb a few times, but I’ll get you there. (A free bag of popcorn to the first person to identify that pop culture reference.)

 A plastic hose reel that had passed its prime and a bench were no longer needed as objects d’art in the yard, so we decided to haul them to the curb. But the city wouldn’t take them as is. We were told they needed to be in large black plastic trash bags. Really?! OK, if that’s the way they want it. Kathy put most of the stuff in bags — it was more like wrapping them in a bag — but said she might need a little help with some of the stuff. Fine, tell me when and where.

Wednesday, 6 a.m.

“We need to break down the rest of that stuff before you take your shower.”

My former eye doctor really messed me up when I had to switch to bifocals last year. The prescription was way off. I can’t focus through the main part of the lens and I get headaches when I wear them. So I just wear contacts and take them out each night. But I figured it would be easier to wear the wrong glasses to disassemble a hose reel. The hose reel was housed in a plastic box that was solidly assembled, at least for a still groggy man having trouble focusing. A four-pound hammer and a pry bar had no effect. The plastic just looked back at me mockingly.

So out came the power tools. A reciprocating saw zipped down one side with relative ease. The saw struggled going through the plastic winding gears on the other side. With the beast split on two sides, I was able to twist and pry the thing into smaller pieces, get them in the trash bags and haul them to the curb.

It felt good to accomplish a task before getting the day started. I headed back inside to take my shower. I reached in to turn the water on to let it get hot and noticed the handheld shower was still plugged in.

Marcus got a bath on Tuesday. With a large built-in shower, Marcus and Kathy can walk right in. We bought an attachment that features a 6-foot hose and a little showerhead at the end. It even has a valve in it to shut off the water when you don’t need it. It connects with a quarter-turn fitting installed right behind the showerhead. Since Kathy is vertically challenged, I figured she had trouble reaching up there and just left it. So I stepped in, reached up and gave the fitting a twist.

SPLASH! I was greeted with a deluge of cold water in the face, chest and legs. Kathy had used the shutoff on the handheld and left the main shower faucet on. When I unhooked the hose, the water flowed freely through the main showerhead.

So if anybody is looking for a sure-fire way to jumpstart their morning routine, I have a simple two-step process that involves power tools and cold water.

William Moore is the Senior Editor at Gulf Coast Newspapers. He can be reached at wmoore@gulfcoastnewspapers.com