In 1948, famed Italian cinematographer Vittorio De Sica released the Neorealism film classic “The Bicycle Thief.”

Last Saturday, Kathy was in search of “The Biscuit Thief.”

My wife decided to surprise me. She got up early and drove to the store. But Winn-Dixie was still closed at 6:45 a.m. (My eyes were still closed as well.) So my silver-haired sweetie headed to Walmart to secure sausage and biscuits. Thanks to Pillsbury and Jimmy Dean, she left with a can of biscuits and a tube of maple pork sausage.

She popped the biscuits in the oven and began cooking the pound of sausage on the griddle. No doubt, Marcus was right by her side paying close attention. Marcus has a well-documented love of people food – especially biscuits. (clue)

The biscuits were ready before the sausage, so Kathy broke open two of the Hungry Jacks so they would cool down. No doubt, the 100-pound Old English Sheepdog was licking his lips at the sight. He really likes biscuits. (CLUE)

Kathy crumbled the tops of the two biscuits on top of the food in Marcus’ bowl. He gobbled it down. She then made herself a couple of sausage and biscuits. She normally would have put the extra food in the microwave to keep it away from Marcus, but the microwave smelled like onions. So instead, she covered the remaining pile of food with foil and pushed it to the back of the counter.

She then got distracted watching a crew of recyclers/scavengers removing large stained glass windows from a church slated to be demolished. There was a light rain outside, so she took her coffee onto the patio to listen to the gentle sound of the rain.

When she returned inside, the remaining sausage-filled biscuits were gone. The plate was more or less in the same spot. The foil that tented the food was moved over to the side. The only evidence remaining on the blue platter was a small shard from the flaky biscuits.

The only living creatures in that part of the house were Kathy, three parakeets (safely locked in their cage), Hemingway the sweet, loving, innocent cat; and the known counter surfer Marcus. (CLUE!)

So what was Kathy’s response? She thought I had gotten up, seen her outside and hidden the food. She looked in the oven, in the microwave, in the drawer under the oven, in the pantry, in the dining room, in the cupboards, etc. When the sausage biscuits could still not be located, she walked into the bedroom, woke me up and asked, “What did you do with the biscuits?” After Miss Marple crossed me off the list of suspects, her sleuthing skills took her straight to Marcus, who was strangely taking his nap not just a little early, but a lot early.

He didn’t do anything to try to prove his innocence either. It’s bad enough to return to the scene of the crime, but this perpetrator continued to linger and stare. When he walked through the kitchen later that morning, he looked over at the counter as if to ask, “Are there any more biscuits?” Normally if we say the word “biscuit,” Marcus will perk up, look straight at you and cock his head slightly. Saturday afternoon, I asked him if he wanted a sausage and biscuit. He immediately turned his head toward the stove.

Quick math showed he had downed eight biscuits and roughly three-fourths of a pound of sausage. Since breakfast was missing, I decided to go for a bowl of oatmeal. Whenever we eat, Marcus is usually right there with us. He stares intently (the actual term is groaking) and sometimes barks to say he wants some too. But he was strangely silent as I sat on the sofa and ate in peace. If I had eaten that much, I would have needed a nap as well.

The Hungryman breakfast had no adverse effects on Marcus. Of course, despite his pleas the rest of the day, he didn’t get any more treats.

William Moore is the Senior Editor at Gulf Coast Newspapers. He can be reached at wmoore@gulfcoastnewspapers.com