I’ve never been very good with puzzles and solving conundrums and such. The Rubik’s cube is still astrophysics in my mind. But, honestly, when I make the bed, why can’t I get the sheets to go on straight?

I’m not talking about making the bed after sleeping in it. That’s tough enough what with getting the wrinkles out enough to pass my wife’s muster since I’m trying to impress her on those occasions I volunteer to make the bed. Else why would I volunteer, right? No, I’m talking about making the bed from scratch after washing the sheets or changing the bed clothes.

If the bottom sheet is fitted, I’m well aware that the sheet corners have those little pockets created by elastic. Even I know the corners of the mattress go there, like the points on a compass. Yet, if you start out putting the wrong corners of the sheet on the wrong corners of the mattress, there isn’t enough sheet to cover the bed. This is what I can’t figure: You’d think 50 percent of the time I could luck out and get the first two corners of the sheet on the right corners of the mattress, either the top or bottom corners, but that happens only about 10 percent of the time. The other 90 percent of the time I have essentially put one of the top corners and one of the bottom corners on the same end of the mattress. The result: short-sheeting.

I have actually on occasion taken the sheets directly from the dryer to the bed, found the fitted sheet in the hot ball of bed clothes, and tried to get it on the mattress, top corners at the top and bottom corners at the bottom. I’ve ended up getting the corners wrong so many times, taking them loose and trying another combination of corners and then another, that all the dryer heat in the sheet is completely gone by the time I matched the cussed corners up. (Sure, women are scoffing at me but men know that bed clothes confusion is no laughing matter.)

Don’t get me started on pillow cases, at least, this one pair we have. There is no way you can hold those pillow cases up and find four corners. There are the top corners where the pillow is put inside, yes, but no corners at the bottom for the pillow’s bottom corners. The pillow cases are essentially socks and I’m convinced they were made as either a practical joke or are the product of a novice pillow-case maker’s first attempt at making you normal rectangular pillow case. (And, yes, my wife is able to get the pillows in, get them situated so it looks as if there are four corners but, honestly, when I’m making the bed I’m too exhausted from the fitted sheet to fool with pillow socks, so I just cram the pillows in.)

Generally, after making the bed I lie down on it and call my mother to see how she’s doing. I’m too tired for anything else.

Bob Morgan is a retired, award-winning journalist and an author.