Dear readers, there may be some days when you are feeling low.

The weight of the world bears down on your shoulders and you feel as though you are the lowest form of life existing on the planet.

Clear those thoughts from your minds, friends, as there is hope for all of us who suffer the occasional dip into the doldrums of depression.

No matter what you do or how bad you think your life is, your troubles will never be as bad as anyone who appears on “Baby Daddy Drama Day” on the Maury Povich Show.

It’s better than “I Can’t Control My Teen So Send Them to Boot Camp Day.”

It’s less vexing than “Tranny or Not” Day.

No, those paternity Maury shows are just good, ol’ fashioned “Who The Daddy” -isms.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been flipping through the channels only to find a “Baby Daddy Drama” episode on that I knew would immediately lift my spirits.

Each one is different, but repeated viewing studies conducted by the McCollum Research Institute have found some key parts that find their way into each segment.

– The mother brought on stage by Povich will be certain to a mathematical impossibility that the man she has brought to the studio with her is the father of her child.

Example: “I am 3,012 percent sure that he the father, Maury. I know it in my heart. That baby his.”

– At least one participant in the paternity dispute will call Maury “Murray” or some such variant of his name.

Example: “Murray, that ain’t my baby, Moray. Tell her I ain’t doin’ nothing with that baby, Murrace.”

– The father will always offer some explanation as to why he could not be the child’s dad that only makes logical sense to him and perhaps his relatives watching with horror back home.

Example: “Murray, that ain’t my baby – that baby got a fat forehead and all the people in my family are having small, skinny foreheads. Also, that baby has a freckle and I don’t have no freckle, Murrace.”

– At least one chair will be overturned when the 99.9 percent-sure paternity test is finally announced. The four subcategories for chair overturning include:

a) Mother jumps up to yell “I told you so!”

b) Mother jumps up to run backstage crying because he was “not the father.”

c) Father jumps up in celebratory “I’m Not the Daddy” dance.

d) Father runs backstage to avoid scorn of Maury’s audience members upon learning he is, in fact, the dad.

“Baby Daddy Drama Day” is a bastion of repeat offenders, including one woman who was featured on the show no fewer than five times and failed to find the father of the child, who, by the end of her search, was well into 3-year-old territory.

There was also the woman who somehow managed to have a set of twins that each had a different father. I didn’t think that was scientifically possible, but all bets are off in the Povichian realm.

It might be schadenfreude to indulge in such a show. I know this.

But, on a bad day, isn’t it nice to be able to say “Well, my life might not be the best, but at least I’m not on Maury...”?

Yes. Yes it is.

Cliff McCollum is managing editor of Gulf Coast Newspapers. He can be reached at cmccollum@gulfcoastnewspapers.com.