It is that time of year again. We are inside the 40 days period until football season officially kicks off, and already, talk radio, Facebook pages, tweeters, and morning cafés are filled with “pigskin talk. With that in mind, it is once again time for my annual Alabama / Auburn joke column. The way I see it, this is a public service. You will need ammunition as you face your foes each and every day at work, at school or wherever you go, so load up on the laughs and, of course, feel free to “change them around” if you need to.

Hey, did you hear that Alabama's library burned down? Yeah, I heard they lost all three books… The real shame is that two of 'em hadn't even been colored in yet!

Q. What is the difference between an Auburn Fan and a puppy?

A. Puppies eventually stop whining.

How many Bammers does it take to change a light bulb?

FIVE…One to change the bulb and four to talk about how great the old bulb was.

You know you are an Auburn fan when…

You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You know you are an Alabama fan when…

The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You might be a Auburn fan if…

You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.

A man walks into a store and says to the clerk, "I'd like a pair of red shoes, a white shirt, a pair of red pants, and a pair of white shoes." The clerk looks at him and shakes his head saying, "You must be an Alabama fan!" The man proclaims with pride, "How could you tell, was it the color scheme!" The clerk looks at him and says "No, this is a hardware store."

Two Auburn fraternity brothers are walking along a railroad track.

One says, "Darn! These stairs are killin' me!"

The other says, "It's ain't the stairs I can't stand, it's the low handrails!"

A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good Alabama joke. The bartender says, "Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I'm an Alabama fan. See that guy at the end of the bar? He's 6-4 and weighs 250 and he's an Alabama fan, too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He's 6-6 and weighs 280 and he's an Alabama fan, too! Now, do you still want to tell your Auburn joke?"

The guy says, "Nah," to which the bartender smiles and says, "What's the matter? Are you chicken?"

The guy says, "No. I just don't want to have to explain it three times."

What do they put on the bottoms of Coke bottles at Auburn?

Please open other end.

What do you call an Alabama grad wearing a suit and tie?

The defendant!

What does the average Auburn student get on their SAT's?

Drool.

How many Alabama freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?

Zero, it is a sophomore course.

The Auburn football team was placed in a remedial English class. The professor asked the class "Does anyone know what comes after a sentence?"

All of the players raised their hands. "The appeal!"

There you go. Now you are all loaded up for another great football season. If I missed a good one, please email it to me. I may have to a “Round 2” sometime during mid season.

Hit ‘em straight!

Dale Jones is a staff writer for The Islander and a member of the Alabama Sports Writers Association.

Reach him at

djones@gulfcoastnewspapers.com